Troll 2: Part 3

Alright guys, it has been a long time since I have worked on the Troll 2 review.  I can only handle so much of this “movie” at one time lol.  If you have not read the first two parts, you may do so here:
Troll 2: Part 1
Troll 2: Part 2

Picking up where we left off, this same friend goes into a store with the most creepy store keep I have ever seen and just does everything he is told to do.  This is one trusting kid.  Before he leaves the store he is told to go to the old house that looks like an old Church.  The overly dramatic woman from before has baked a cake for the visiting family and apparently broke into their house in order to give it to them.

Outside the store, the Dad falls asleep while reading a book about vegetables, so his son abandons him even though he just found out Nilbog is the Goblin Kingdom…tough luck Dad! lol  The kid wanders into a meeting where the Goblins (in human form) are talking about how bad meat is.  While listening in to this meeting through an opening in the ceiling he accidentally knocks a skateboard down and a hand reaches up and grabs his face.

We get a small scene where the sister is talking to her boyfriend and attempting to get him to pick between her and his friends.  Apparently he doesn’t make his choice quick enough so she punches him.  Well this is a hard choice!  Back to the Trolls, I mean Goblins.  They try to feed the kid “ice cream” (more goop).  I’m not sure why they are trying to trick him into thinking it’s ice cream when they are holding him down and forcing it into his mouth anyway!  His Dad somehow hears him through multiple rooms in a building when he is out in the street.  He comes in and gets his son, having an oddly formal conversation with the Goblins.

On the way back to their house the Dad sees his daughter arguing with her boyfriend.  He speeds down to get her and take her home but the boyfriend wants to talk.  The boyfriend is once again told to abandon his friends…so he does.  This family really hates his friends!  Back at the overly dramatic woman’s house, the friend who was at the shop comes in and seems out of it.  He really must be to not notice his other friend is right beside him in half-plant form.

Arnold (the friend who is half plant) finally gets his attention and tells him to drag him out of the house.  Instead of pulling him out of the pot, he trys to drag the entire thing out the door.  The witch or whatever she is shows back up, reveals she has super strength and a chain saw.  She uses the chain saw on Arnold that tickles him.  Okay, I guess that makes sense?!  Enough for now….

Troll 2: Part 2

If you have not read the first part of my Troll 2 review, you may do so here: Troll 2: Part 1

With Halloween coming up in less than a month, this is as good of a horror movie to review as any I suppose (at least it’s funny in how bad it is).  We left off just as Joshua was about to have a  nightmare where he turns into a plant and the Goblins want to eat him.  This crazy kid sees his dead grandfather on the side of the road and says he has to throw up in order to get his dad to stop the car.  After he has another conversation with him about Goblins, he looks again and he has been talking to a hobo.  Just how does his grandpa know so much about Goblins anyway?!  None of this is ever explained lol.

Our family arrives in Nilbog and trades homes with some weird family.  How did they even work out this swap anyway because it seems like they have never even spoken before?  Anyway, they go in the house to find the weirdest looking food ever laying out for them.  They apparently have no problem with this and decide to just dig in!  Ghost grandpa comes and apparently has time stopping powers now.  He tells Joshua that he has to stop them from eating the food or the Goblins will eat them.  Instead of just taking the food out of their hands while they are frozen, he decides to pee on everything haha.

Arnold (the guy in the picture above), one of the friends in the RV, sees a girl running in the woods and tackles her face first, in order to help her somehow?  They are surrounded by Goblins but Arnold bravely tells them off like he is Superman….only to be speared in the chest.  They get away and make it into a “house” where some weird, overly dramatic woman lives.  She asks Arnold if something is wrong, because the blood gushing out of his chest wasn’t a clear indicator.  She gives them a smoking green drink that they don’t question at all.  This girl with Arnold has already fallen for this once, you would think she would learn.

The girl turns into some kind of goop and the Goblins come and eat her.  Then comes the classic line in the movie.  I won’t even ruin it for you but it’s all over the place online.  The sister decides she wants to talk her boyfriend into leaving his buddies again.  I’m not sure why everyone hates his friends so much.  Back at the RV, the guys are all in bed together without shirts on….okay, I get the picture now lol.

One of the friends, I have no clue what his name is, wants some supplies so he goes off jogging to the store, even though they are in an RV.  The local Sheriff picks him up and offers him a ride to the store and something to eat that looks like a hamburger bun with green goop in it.  He just eats it without question!  The people in this movie never seem to question any of this strange food constantly being offered to them.  One would think they would at least ask what it is.  Guess not!

Troll 2: Part 1

You are in for a treat today, I am going to review one of the worst films of all time.  This thing is epically bad.  It’s so bad I am going to have to do it in several parts because I can’t sit through the whole thing in one sitting lol.  What do you need to know about Troll 2?  For starters, there are zero trolls in the movie.  You may be asking, “Why is it called Troll 2 then?!”  Well, it goes something like this….There was a movie out called Troll and the makers of Troll 2 were hoping some people might think this movie is a sequel and watch it.  Yup, that’s the story.

As I mentioned, there are no trolls in this movie, it’s actually about Goblins.  These goblins are always trying to trick people into eating this weird green goop that turns them into half human, half plant beings that the goblins love to eat.  Yeah, that really is the plot of the movie.  Next we meet a family, I don’t even know their names and it really doesn’t matter.  They are apparently going to some random country town for a month and swapping homes with some family from that town.  How did they work all of this out?  Who knows, it’s never explained.
 

This kid is sitting in his bed while his grandpa reads him a story about goblins and warns him that they are real and they want to eat people.  As it turns out, the kid is crazy or seeing ghosts or something because his grandpa is actually dead and no one can see him but the kid.  His mom walks into the room and over explains everything just to make sure the audience knows what’s going on.  She says something like “Now Joshua, you know you live in this house with your father, your sister, and me, your mother.  Your grandpa, my dad, is dead”.  Obviously the kid knows who he lives with and apparently the script writer thought it would be much too complicated for the audience to simply see the family in the house and figure things out, he had to actually write it all out so we know for sure.

We cut to a scene of the sister in the movie, she is just bench pressing in her room for fun while listening to music on her headphones.  We find out that the family is vacationing in a town called Nilbog (Goblin spelled backwards).  Then we cut back to the girl about 10 minutes later and she is still benching pressing the same bar!  Apparently this chick has super endurance or it weighs about 2lbs because she hasn’t taken a break.  Her boyfriend decides it’s a good idea to climb a ladder and sneak into her room without her knowing, causing her to scream….and somehow no one in the house hears this.

Next, she randomly knees him in the balls for no reason and instantly becomes romantic after that.  She is bipolar I guess?!  Now we get some weird conversation with them where she explains how her family hates him because he hangs out with his friends all of the time.  How do they know his friends and why don’t they like them?  Who knows.  Immediately after explaining how her parents don’t like her boyfriend and can’t know he is in the house, she says he can come on vacation with them.  I guess her family got over not liking him in those 2 seconds.  The only condition is he has to promise not to bring his buddies along, which he agrees too.

The very next scene is everyone traveling to Nilbog and this boyfriend somehow got an RV that is loaded up with all of his friends!  lol, I guess the girls parents were right, these guys have a weird relationship with each other and apparently have to be around each other all of the time.  Alright, that is all for now but this masterpiece will continue.